I have more faith than fear.

Faith isn't loud, which is why the tally seems to run the other way. Fear announces itself. Faith just quietly books the flight for March.

Look at what you have actually done this week rather than what you have felt. You made plans for a date you can't guarantee reaching. You bought food for Thursday. You told someone you'd see them.

Every one of those is a bet on a future arriving. You've been placing them all along without calling it anything. Fear is louder. Louder has never been the same as bigger.