I am the prize.

A prize sits on a shelf waiting to be won by somebody else, which is a strange position to want.

The useful part is the posture underneath it: you're not auditioning. There's a real difference between an evening spent watching a phone that isn't lighting up and an evening where you cook something, put music on, and get on with your life.

The second version isn't indifference and doesn't pretend to be. It's just having somewhere else to put your attention while other people take their time making up their minds.