I deserve love and being loved.

You've never once run this audit on a friend. You've never thought: given her temper, given the year she went quiet on everyone, is she really owed affection?

The question doesn't even form. You just think she's had a hard time and you'd like her to be all right.

Extend the same non-question to yourself. Love isn't a payment released on completion of good behaviour — it's the ordinary condition of being a person among other people. There's no review underway. There never was one, except by a single extremely biased assessor who has never been asked for their credentials.