I know I deserve to live a healthy life.

Almost everyone who gets ill keeps a private list. The cigarettes at nineteen. The years of skipped check-ups. The stress nobody managed. The list gets compiled at four in the morning and it is never fair.

Deserving does not work that way in either direction. Nobody earns a diagnosis, and nobody is disqualified from getting better by an old mistake.

You would never hand that list to a friend and ask them to read it aloud to you. Consider not reading it to yourself either.