My life is so much easier when I choose to let go.

Holding on is not a state; it is a job with hours. There is the maintaining of the position, the periodic re-reading of old messages, the small daily updating of the case. It runs in the background and it draws power, which is how a day of no particular difficulty can leave you completely flattened.

The relief people describe afterwards is rarely joy. It is closer to the sound of a fridge you never knew was humming stopping at two in the morning — a quiet you only notice once it has arrived.