I always treat others the way I expect to be treated.

It holds up well until you meet somebody built differently. You would want to be left alone; they want company. You would want the blunt truth; they would want an hour of gentleness before it.

The golden rule quietly uses you as the unit of measurement, which works whenever people resemble you and drifts whenever they do not.

The upgrade is small. Ask them. Then treat them the way they have said they want to be treated, which is usually stranger than you would guess and far easier than deducing it from scratch.