I am passionate about my healing.

Passion about your own recovery has a strange texture. It is not enthusiasm. It is closer to the way somebody becomes an expert on a subject they never wanted to study — knowing the half-lives, the acronyms, the names of three specialists in another country.

There are also days when none of that is available and the whole project reduces to getting to the bathroom and back. Those days are not a lapse.

The intensity comes and goes without asking. What persists underneath it is simpler and harder to see: you keep turning up.