I deserve every good thing that has been happening in my life.

Some good stretches get lived with one eye on the exit — the promotion enjoyed provisionally, the relationship monitored for signs, the private sense that an administrative error has been made and will eventually be corrected.

Whatever has been happening didn't happen to a stranger. You made the calls, kept showing up, were decent to people, stayed when leaving would have been easier. Luck was involved. Luck is involved for everyone who has ever had anything.

Nothing is going to be reclaimed. The good is yours to inhabit fully, which takes more nerve than earning it ever did.