i’m making every effort to forgive myself and others

Forgiveness gets described as a moment, which is why so many people believe they have failed at it. You decide, you feel lighter for a fortnight, and then the whole thing comes back on a Sunday with all its original detail intact.

That isn't a relapse. A worn latch has to be pulled twice, sometimes three times, and the door still shuts.

Effort repeated is closer to the truth of it than any single clean release would be. Repetition is the actual shape of the work. The measure isn't whether the thing came back — it is whether it took less out of you this time than last.