I have a profound respect for my partner.

Respect gets tested in disagreement, not in agreement. Anyone can admire a partner who happens to be right.

The measure is what happens in the argument about money at eleven at night — whether you're trying to win, or trying to understand a person whose relationship to security was formed long before they met you. Those two aims produce completely different conversations from the same opening sentence.

Profound respect means treating their reasoning as reasoning, even when you're sure the conclusion is wrong. It's harder than affection and it lasts longer. The next disagreement is the place to practise, and there's always a next one.